Jokes - A Place to Laugh (if the Jokes are good enough)

Guest

Lol yeah !

Vishal16 wrote:: Now the forum is covered with semen

I'm not cleaning that stuff. It's yours to clean biggrin

Guest

@ Rahul

LOL

So whose cleaning ?

Vishal16 wrote:: So whose cleaning ?

The one who spread the semen in the first place.

Rahul wrote:

Vishal16 wrote:: So whose cleaning ?

The one who spread the semen in the first place.

Sai start the work till we have some beer cheers

Vishal16 wrote:

Rahul wrote:

Vishal16 wrote:: So whose cleaning ?

The one who spread the semen in the first place.

Sai start the work till we have some beer cheers

Work pending here rtfm

Vishal16 wrote:: Work pending here

I've noticed the semen as frozen over time and has blocked the basic working of the forum and made it much slower. Sai start your work :chairbeating:

Ya even the quote thinge isnt working mad2

Vishal16 wrote:: Ya even the quote thinge isnt working

It didn't work only for one particular message by Suman. It's fine.

Chup kar na rolleyes

Vishal16 wrote:: Chup kar na

:oops:

So who's Cleaning the Stuff.... construction

Sai and you police

I need jokes instead of spam. Post jokes or don't look at this thread.

2 Suman's were playing Chess

Vishal16 wrote:: 2 Suman's were playing Chess

That IS a joke.

I know

George Carlin LIVE :

GC : Here's another example of overprotection. You ever notice on the TV-news every time some guy with an AK47 strolls on to a school yard and kills three or four kids and a couple of teachers, the next day... the next day the school in overrun with counsellors, and psychiatrics, and grief counsellors, and trauma therapists trying to help the child cope. Shit, when I was in school, someone came to our school and killed three or four of us; we went right on with our arithmetic: "35 classmates minus 4... equals 31". We were tough.

GC : I'm thinking of opening up a motel and calling it "The Sleep and Fuck". Wouldn't that be a good, honest name for a motel, who needs this "Shady Pines"-bull shit? "The Sleep and Fuck"-motel. Get me one of them big neon signs: "Sleep", "Fuck", "Sleep", "Fuck".

GC : You need a little danger in your life! What are you gonna do, play with your prick for another 30 years? Read People magazine and eat at Wendy's til the end of time? Take a fuckin' chance! And besides, if we made airplanes completely safe, the terrorists would simply start bombing other places that are crowded. Porn shops, crack houses, titty bars, and gangbangs. You know, entertainment venues.

GC : Do you know why it is, when a rancher fucks a sheep, he does so at the edge of a cliff? It's so the sheep will push back.

GC : Angels, shit. What about goblins? Doesn't anybody believe in goblins? We never hear from them, except on halloween, and it's always negative shit too, you know. And zombies! Where the fuck are all the zombies? That's the trouble with zombies, they're unreliable. I think if you're going to buy the angels shit, you might go for the zombie package as well.

GC : How come when it's with us, it's an 'abortion', and when it's with chickens it's an 'omelet'?

George Carlin: The next guy who says "Badda-boom badda-bing" to me is getting kicked right in the fucking nuts.
[pantomimes kicking a guy in the nuts]
George Carlin: Badda BOOM, mother fucker! Wanna try "badda bing"?

George Carlin: You see the really hardcore people will tell you that life begins at fertilization. Fertilization when the sperm fertilizes the egg. Which is usually a few moments after the man says "gee, honey. I was gonna pull out, but the phone rang, and it startled me."

George Carlin: "Out walking the streets." A guy gets a parole, you say "No! Instead of being in prison, this guy is out walkin' the streets!" How do we know? Maybe the guy's home bangin' the babysitter. Not everyone who gets a parole is out walkin' the fucking streets. A lot of times, they'll steal a car. "Thank God he stole a car! At least he's not out walkin' the streets!"

(Talking About Airline Announcements)
George Carlin: "In the unlikely event..." This is a very suspect phrase, especially coming, as it does, from an industry that is willing to lie about arrival and departure times. "In the unlikely event of a sudden change in cabin pressure..." ROOF FLIES OFF! "An oxygen mask will drop down in front of you. Place the mask over your face and breathe normally." Well, I have no problem with that. I always breathe normally when I'm in a 600 mile-an-hour uncontrolled vertical dive. I also SHIT normally! RIGHT IN MY PANTS!

George Carlin: The next sentence I hear is full of things that piss me off. "Before leaving the aircraft, please check around your immediate seating area for any personal belongings you might have brought on board." Well, let's start with "immediate seating area." SEAT! It's a god damn seat! Check around your seat! "For any personal belongings..." Well, what other kinds of belongings are there besides personal? PUBLIC belongings? Do these people honestly believe I might be traveling with a fountain I stole from the park? "... you might have brought on board." Well... I MIGHT have brought my arrowhead collection! I didn't. SO I'M NOT GOING TO LOOK FOR IT! I'm going to look for things I BROUGHT on board! It would seem to increase the likelihood of my finding something, wouldn't you say?

George Carlin: Here's one they just made up: "near miss". When two planes almost collide, they call it a near miss. It's a near hit. A collision is a near miss. No.1

George Carlin: [talking about the safety lecture; mocking flight attendant] "Place the small metal flap in to the buckle." Well I ask for clarification at that point!
[mocking a passenger]
George Carlin: "Pardon me please. Excuse me, yes. Over here. Thank you very much. Did I hear you correctly? Did you say 'place the small metal flap in to the buckle,' or 'place the buckle over and around the small metal flap?' I am a simple man. I do not possess an engineering degree, nor am I mechanically inclined. Sorry to have taken up so much of your time, please continue with the wonderful safety lecture!" Seatbelt. High-tech shit!

George Carlin: Here's a group of musical vermin whose mothers we wished had a medical plan that included abortion: These singers, who think they're so special they only have to have one name. Bono, Sting, Jewel, Tiffany, Prince, what a crock of shit! Get a fucking last name. Here's a nice two word name for you; Pretentious Cocksucker! Huh, how do you like that, Bono? It's bad enough the music sucks but with no last name you can't find out where they live, to throw a fuckin' bomb through their window!

George Carlin: Here's something you never hear a guy say: "Stop sucking my dick, or I'll call the police!"

George Carlin: Here's another group of mutants with missing chromosomes who ought to be thrown screaming from a helicopter. Gun enthusiasts. "Yeah, I'm a gun enthusiast." Oh yeah? Well I'm a blowjob enthusiast. Wanna see me shoot? Cock this and I'll discharge a load for you.

George Carlin: We have more ways to describe dirty words than we have dirty words. Someone was quite interested in these words. They kept referring to them: they called them bad, dirty, filthy, foul, vile, vulgar, coarse, in poor taste, unseemly, street talk, gutter talk, locker room language, barracks talk, bawdy, naughty, saucy, raunchy, rude, crude, lude, lascivious, indecent, profane, obscene, blue, off-color, risqué, suggestive, cursing, cussing, swearing... and all I could think of was: shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits!

Hilarious Navpreet. Post more......more.......

The first one was the best.

GC : How come when it's with us, it's an 'abortion', and when it's with chickens it's an 'omelet'?

rofl

:happy:

Some Chris Rock Quotes (Master Stand-Up artists)

Chris Rock: I think pretty soon people gonna be fuckin' for gas. I think people already fuckin' for gas. Some of y'all in here tonight are fuckin' for gas.
Like 'Girl, why you with him?'
"He filled up my tank."

Chris Rock: I took the AIDS test... passed it... with a 65!
Now, the scary thing about the AIDS test is that when you take it, you don't get the results back for FIIIVVEE days, and in those five days you start reflectin'. You start reflectin' on every single piece of dirty, disgusting little sex you've ever had! Oh my God, 1993, what the fuck was I thinkin'? Then, you start callin' people up to see if they still alive!
[Impersonating a telephone call]
Chris Rock: Yeah, hello, is Stacy there? "This is Stacy." CLICK![hangs up]
"Hello, is Tammy there? "Oh, Tammy dead." Well, what happened? "... she got hit by a bus." OH, THANK THE LORD!

Chris Rock: Can you believe this? Kids from the Make a Dream Come True Foundation want their last wish to be a lap dance?
Chris Rock: "Tell me, little boy, do you wanna' go to Disneyland?"
"No, I want big ol' titties in my face!"

Chris Rock: Hillary Clinton's the first lady! She should've been the first one on her knees to suck Bill's dick!

Chris Rock: Do you know how dumb you got to be to get left back in the first grade? It's like, what's four plus four? Jell-O!